Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
