I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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