i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
