Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
A bitchslap is in order.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
