I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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