I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
