biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
