ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
