After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
