Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
