pedialite and red bull = repair kit
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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