is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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