i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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