I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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