thus making me awesome and them whores
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
