a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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