38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
