im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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