remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
