All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
