Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
