It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
