haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
