I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
