tell your sister to shave her snatch
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
