Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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