I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
