dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
