Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
