I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
