I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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