Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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