imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
