Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
