I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
