just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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