allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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