I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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