just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
