I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
