whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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