Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i drank out of a bidet.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize