Got a toothbrush?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
