My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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