I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
