I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize