He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
