hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize