you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
