So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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