All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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