I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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