other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
