I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
