I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
