whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
apparently the secret to your success is patron
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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