Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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