3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Randomize
