I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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