Just fell off a train. Bad.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My balls are so social today.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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