Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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