i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
