Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
