her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The best revenge is premature balding
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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