My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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