its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
