Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
