I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
