can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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