we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
