Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
