The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
