She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
